I went out tonight to hear jazz.
I was perfectly happy sitting alone with my sushi and drink.
Then I feel these tentacles pulling on me and then staring, wanting my attention, wanting to talk, wanting to come over. He was needy and lonely. I wasn’t. Why was he? How many times have I seen men like that.
He’d already struck up a conversation with me from two chairs down which was ambitious.
He was smart and interesting fortunately and now we’re friends…I guess. Who knows? We know each other’s name.
I said, “Come on over and we can chat,” and he said, “I’d like that.”
But I still got that lusty, “You’re cute” vibe from him after a bit and left to chat with my other friend who I knew wouldn’t throw that energy at me.
I don’t know if some men want to use me to forget themselves, forget their wife who died, or to remember themselves. Maybe it’s all of those.
But I still feel used when all I wanted to do was hear music so I could just relax and take care of myself.
I have to take care of myself. No man is taking care of me and I m not asking because I know the answer. It’s all different in middle age. A man owes me nothing now because I’m not going to have any more children. I pay my mortgage and all of my bills on my own, no help from anyone at all, including the government.
Why does he feel male privilege to bother me?
They either want attention, sex, food, or talking, even from a stranger!
The last thing he wants to do is to take care of himself the way I do.
Maybe that’s just my generation.
And yet, the men supposedly have more of everything for themselves, most of the money, most of the property, most of everything. I’m not so sure about that.
But you still need more from a woman?
Why can I feel myself MORE without a man next to me? That’s curious. Well, except for the one I want.
If you learn how to take care of yourself and share and I’ll give you the time of day.
Because I, and many women like me have nothing more to give you guys that you can’t give to yourselves.
Fight. I’m ready to rumble for bonding.
So…no phone or text and no e-mail.
E-mail? How am I going to get my edits?…and I went through editing withdrawal.
Do you know what that’s like as a writer? I thought my head would explode.
I’m going over there…To the HOUSE.
He says, “I can’t believe you came over here.”
I was cut off! I had no communication choice to get my work done.
He was happy to see me! Came close to me, right into my personal space.
He cleared a chair off for me quickly, searched and found out it was his cut off to usurp my threatened cut off when the edits were done, but not before. He goofed up. No apology.
He sent it, I didn’t receive it.
I started this with my boundaries and he was getting his back.
Guess what I’m going to do next?
I’m going to seriously date someone else I like.
I…am…NOT…doing hook-ups and booty calls
For the last half of my life as an adult!
I have the energy for this.
Ready to rumble for bonding.
Mind you, the energy of my body will be as receptive as a duckling
But my mind will be a steel trap.
Digital Artist Sandra Bauser
Time fades into oblivion
One memory, one vision of you and I feel whole again.
I remember your voice, your smell, the feel of you next to me.
In time, it was so long ago, yet to my mind, it was yesterday.
My love for you is as natural as my heartbeat.
Here’s some romance for you…
Today is actually a Catholic Feast day of St. Valentine.
He was a Catholic martyr of course, and as it says below, he was beaten with clubs, beheaded, buried at night in secret, and dug up by his followers.
His crime was voicing his dissent at the Romans because the young men were forbidden to marry young women. Instead, the Romans made it a priority that young men become soldiers for their wars. You know, “Make war, not love”, the opposite of what the hippies said in the 60’s.
Well, sex, reproduction, gender balance, honoring nature, loving and taking care of the body, those are women’s values. The Romans were busy making sure patriarchy, the rule of rich, white men came to the fore.
Working class men became fodder for capitalism, the military-industrial complex, materialism, the draft, and war. The Romans started it and it continues today in modern society.
If men were to fulfill their role by nature in balance with women they would be taught and allowed to love women, love and care for their own body, value being a father, learn the values of monogamy, not polygamy, and find balance between the work he loved and the family he loved.
That’s all been ripped apart for men and by association, women.
Men are used as much by the system that oppresses them as they oppress women. The system uses men to keep women down and I doubt the men even know it.
The historical proof of this is in the life of St. Valentine who advocated for Love between women and men and was killed for it by The State.
Patriarchy has brainwashed men into believing that they are not to love women, that women aren’t to be trusted, and their highest destiny is in aligning with the powers of church and state. The truth is, we’re called and made to love each other. Roman society killed that.
The birth of misogyny is what Valentine’s Day is really commemorating and it is as Okoto Enigma says, “An apocalypse of Love”.
Women continue to directly suffer for it by lack of loving bond in sex with men, if we’re straight. Also, in not being paid the same amount of money for the same quality of work. So not only are we deprived physically and emotionally but monetarily as well.
Thanks for trying St. Valentine but the arrow is still stuck in our hearts.
I loved that, as soon as I walked in the door, quite a bit late, you were concerned that I’d gotten lost or in trouble or something.
Mmmmm. That’s the good stuff. I’m going there and staying there. Good memory in my brain. No one can take it away. Keep piles of those in a drawer for a rainy day.