Love

I Want the Music a Little Louder

I want the music a little louder,

for our kiss to last longer,

to breathe a little deeper and drink more coffee.

I want more swing to the jazz and a louder back beat and

to dance a bit longer and sing with our friends,

Let’s finish that bottle of wine and stay together

because tomorrow is not promised

and I have to look at your face as much as possible.

kissing

death, Esperanza Spalding, Jazz singers, Love, Music, Spirituality, Synchronicity, Time

Esperanza Spalding

 

This is a gorgeous song written and performed by Esperanza.  Have a listen.

I was taking a break tonight from reading my new book, “Synchronicity”, decided to go pick up a snack.  I was in the dark car and felt like playing with serendipity and not actually “choose” the CD there in the dark.  I reached for whatever and popped this in.  I skipped forward, driving along, and it landed on this song that I hadn’t listened to for a year and a half.

I got as far as the next street and realized the last time I listened to this was when my mate Michael was alive, a year ago.  He was on life support a year ago from March 2nd-March 13th, 2016 for pneumonia.

We had planned on getting married, totally enjoyed each others company, never fought (seriously), laughed all the time and were in love.  Sure there were a few hitches but not many!  We were both convinced we were twin flames; two peas in a pod.

Yeah, that pod exploded when Michael died within fifteen minutes of walking out my front door.  I got him to the ER in a matter of 10 minutes, he got wheeled into the ER, passed out and stopped breathing five minutes later.  He never regained consciousness.  His lungs gave out that quickly.  The rest of the story is in the book I wrote about the synchronicity in my life, not all around death of course.

As I listened to this song, I remembered back to all the thoughts and feelings I had planning my future with Michael, now gone.  But I never really heard or processed the part about “the dream” because when I knew Michael I couldn’t relate to it.  I always wondered about the meaning though.  Now I know the meaning.

They say if you die in a dream, you die in real life.

Well I just died in your arms, lost in your eyes.

And I know this must be a dream, cause I feel I could fly to heaven.

They say if you live in a dream you’re hopelessly lost.

But this ain’t a silly ole’dream, our paths have crossed

And maybe I’m hopelessly lost but somehow I managed to find…

heaven.

Where was I, feeling this song and these words tonight?  With him or here in my life on Earth?   Michael did find “heaven”.  I’m still here. but Michael is still with me.  I can feel it when he’s here, so part of “the other dimension” is with me.

I’m convinced that our minds and hearts can be aware of other dimensions no matter where we are.  Tonight it was in my face.  My mind literally could feel being between dimensions.  Synchronicity adjusts time and takes us wherever our minds want to be.

Just now, I heard him say, “I love you baby”.

 

 

blog, bloggers, Blogging, Dating, Love, Mating, men, Nature, Prose, Relationships, Women

Ready To Rumble For Bonding

 

femalewarrior

 

Fight.  I’m ready to rumble for bonding.

So…no phone or text and no e-mail.

E-mail?  How am I going to get my edits?…and I went through editing withdrawal.

Do you know what that’s like as a writer?  I thought my head would explode.

I’m going over there…To the HOUSE.

He says, “I can’t believe you came over here.”

I was cut off!  I had no communication choice to get my work done.

He was happy to see me!  Came close to me, right into my personal space.

He cleared a chair off for me quickly, searched and found out it was his cut off to usurp my threatened cut off when the edits were done, but not before.  He goofed up.  No apology.

He sent it, I didn’t receive it.

I started this with my boundaries and he was getting his back.

Guess what I’m going to do next?

I’m going to seriously date someone else I like.

I…am…NOT…doing hook-ups and booty calls

For the last half of my life as an adult!

I have the energy for this.

Ready to rumble for bonding.

Mind you, the energy of my body will be as receptive as a duckling

But my mind will be a steel trap.

 

 

 

 

christians, Humans, Jesus, Love, marriage, Mating, Relationships, Valentines Day, Writers, writing

It’s Better to Have Loved

You know the saying,

“It’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.”-Alfred Lord Tennyson

I have a new sense about it. If I love, anyone, for any length of time for any reason, my heart may break open but that is never a loss. I don’t feel that I’ve lost anything by loving but have gained. My soul is awakened by connection, care, and bonding.

What I lose is what I did not need; belief that I control that which I cannot; others and their feelings in addition to my feelings.  I lose the belief that I can control their movement, coming and going.  I lose ego, loneliness, radical independence, no connection, cynicism, even resentment for humans just because we can be weak!

All there is in the end is love. People say that all the time but I really feel I come from love and will eventually return to love. And love is what binds me together with all life forms.

So maybe my perception is that I’ve lost a lot in my life.  That has indeed been my perception. But if I’ve loved and learned in the midst of that I haven’t lost anything at all; I’ve gained the gift of my soul being broken open.

As a writer and an artist, that’s all I’ve ever wanted.  Now I have the rest of my life to tell stories and express how tragically beautiful that brokeness can be and how it’s the only path to wholeness.

No one gets to skate past being broken.  It’s pretty much what happens to everyone on this planet. We’re equal in that.

Susan Bauser, Artist

blog, bloggers, Blogging, Body, Dating, Feelings, female, friendship, Life, Love, marriage, Mating, men, Nature, Prose, Relationships, sex, Time, Women, Writers, writing

Oblivion

woman-with-orbs

Digital Artist Sandra Bauser



Time fades into oblivion

One memory, one vision of you and I feel whole again.

I remember your voice, your smell, the feel of you next to me.

In time, it was so long ago, yet to my mind, it was yesterday.

My love for you is as natural as my heartbeat.

blog, bloggers, Blogging, church, female, Feminism, men, misogyny, Nature, Patriarchy, Valentines Day, Women

St. Valentine BeHeaded

Here’s some romance for you…

Today is actually a Catholic Feast day of St. Valentine.

He was a Catholic martyr of course, and as it says below, he was beaten with clubs, beheaded, buried at night in secret, and dug up by his followers.

His crime was voicing his dissent at the Romans because the young men were forbidden to marry young women.  Instead, the Romans made it a priority that young men become soldiers for their wars.  You know, “Make war, not love”, the opposite of what the hippies said in the 60’s.

Well, sex, reproduction, gender balance, honoring nature, loving and taking care of the body, those are women’s values.  The Romans were busy making sure patriarchy, the rule of rich, white men came to the fore.

Working class men became fodder for capitalism, the military-industrial complex, materialism, the draft, and war.  The Romans started it and it continues today in modern society.

If men were to fulfill their role by nature in balance with women they would be taught and allowed to love women, love and care for their own body, value being a father, learn the values of monogamy, not polygamy, and find balance between the work he loved and the family he loved.

That’s all been ripped apart for men and by association, women.

Men are used as much by the system that oppresses them as they oppress women.  The system uses men to keep women down and I doubt the men even know it.

The historical proof of this is in the life of St. Valentine who advocated for Love between women and men and was killed for it by The State.

Patriarchy has brainwashed men into believing that they are not to love women, that women aren’t to be trusted, and their highest destiny is in aligning with the powers of church and state.  The truth is, we’re called and made to love each other.  Roman society killed that.

The birth of misogyny is what Valentine’s Day is really commemorating and it is as Okoto Enigma says, “An apocalypse of Love”.

Women continue to directly suffer for it by lack of loving bond in sex with men, if we’re straight. Also, in not being paid the same amount of money for the same quality of work.  So not only are we deprived physically and emotionally but monetarily as well.

Thanks for trying St. Valentine but the arrow is still stuck in our hearts.

 

st-valentine