Sculptor, Paige Bradley
Can you remember the time in your life when you pivoted from making life decisions based on ego to making life decisions from your Heart and Mind? I can.
As a young person, from 18 to about 36 years old (when I had my son), I’d have to say I operated mostly from ego and I paid a personal price for it. I was not mindful of my body, I pursued a college degree because I listened to what the media and the world said about the status increase that a degree would bring (it didn’t). I reacted and rebelled against my family whose values I absolutely did not and do not agree with. I spoke my mind without considering the consequences before I did. I got married to my son’s father because my sister thought it was a good idea. Oh my. I pursued a particular degree path because my ex-husband suggested it when that was what he wanted, not me. I let these people project through me because, I didn’t care that much then.
It was all just an adventure to me; no big deal. I even half knew they were doing it. But because I was such a free spirit, I knew they wouldn’t win. I knew that no one was ever really going to get “most of me”. They could just have some of me for a wild ride. You sort of lull yourself into this idea that they’re doing “your work” “for you”. Ahhhhh. There’s the hook. You get personally lazy at directing your life. There is a very steep price to pay for that.
In short, because I listened to and cared more about and resented what others and my family said and what they thought of me, there was suffering. Meaning, I caused my own suffering by being “out of alignment” with what I really wanted from deep inside myself. I resented the fact that “my loving family” didn’t see me, didn’t care to see me, and were busier projecting their own unresolved ego issues onto me than taking responsibility for healing themselves and turning their lives around so they could be a genuine support.
This is how the scapegoat thing happens in families. The strong one, the most intelligent one, the bravest one is put through the freaking wringer by the weak ones to serve as some kind of support or rescuer for them? Not! It’s not going to happen to me. It does happen to many people. It’s the foundation of our political system and has been from the beginning. And some are just as drawn into the rescuer role for their egos as the person using them is. “Use and be used” you could call it.
What I literally observed about my life based in ego was, my body wouldn’t hold the vibration I wanted it to (I had 2 miscarriages and almost died with one), I was constantly worried about money and didn’t have enough money, I had a lot of fear and worry, I did not have confidence in the direction I was heading or had no direction, and I was frustrated that I had gifts and a strong Mind but couldn’t focus it to make my life what I wanted it to be. I resented the emotional price and battle with the users that I had to pay to go my own way. You see that these things are all superficial. That’s what the ego does to you. It gets you caught up in others drama, lack, fear, and suffering.
Sit in Love and authenticity. Sit in your own empowerment. We are response-abled (responsible/able to respond) in our lives. Love your body no matter what. Do the work that floats your cork. Don’t think about what others may say or think. Do what you Love. Envision abundance doing what you love. Plan it out. Get concrete. Ask for help from a healer or spiritual counselor. Don’t think for a minute that religion is going to shield you from hell and speed you to heaven. People create hell on Earth by sitting in ego, and religionists get rich from the promise of forgiveness and heaven. Your karma for copping out on Love is real. I completely turned my life around by going out on a limb and leaving my ego behind and surrendering to Love. My karma has turned to dharma because I worked at it. No one can pull me back in. The Universe has my back.